Four years ago, we heard about the Mongol Rally. It appealed to both our sense of adventure and our love of the silly. We said we'd do it one day. And we said that if one of us got a place, the other would go. It became something of a running joke as time went by.

Then, in November 2009, all of that changed. Rory got a place. He phoned James. And the rest, as they say, is history.

In a flurry of terrible puns, Ulaan-Banter was born.

We're having to learn an awful lot very quickly in the run up to the Rally. How to do mechanical repairs to a car. How to sweet talk your friends into giving you money. And most importantly, how to plan for the worst whilst hoping for the best.

We have established two things in the name of staying positive:

The first is laughing in the face of adversity. We have decided that whenever something goes wrong, our first response will be to laugh uproariously. Then we'll find a solution. We reckon it'll lift the mood.

The second is our team motto: Nothing can possibly go wrong.

So join us, on our ill-advised and likely hilarious journey across 11 borders and over 10,500 miles. We'll keep you posted on here.

Ovorhangay, Mongolia

Recieved by SMS at 23rd August 2010 at 05:55

I have just encountered a fermented milk ice lolly. I have no desire to repeat the experience. J.

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Simon P. (The Good The Bad and The Ugly)	20th September 2010 at 12:36
Oh man, I had one of those. I'm sorry for you.

Ovorhangay, Mongolia

Recieved by SMS at 23rd August 2010 at 05:43

Tarmac sweet wonderful tarmac! We dont even care if it doesnt last, just an hour on a surface that isn't actively trying to kill us has been a delight. After james did some cracking work pushing us out of sand in his pants we've made good hard progress and are now lustfully eyeing u-b with another broken spring in our step. R J

Altay, China

Recieved by SMS at 21st August 2010 at 23:12

Good news - we now have a souvenir from the car. Bad news - they're bits of our rear springs, both of which snapped this morning. Good news - we got it fixed. Bad news - at great expense. We're sat v bored in Altai waiting for astoundingly slow mongolian mechanics. Sadly yesterday was ** some text is missing **

Khovd, Mongolia

Recieved by SMS at 20th August 2010 at 09:00

Slow progress yesterday after Team Rooster cracked their sump. Oil everywhere. Managed a bodge with some putty and limped to rally c ** some text is missing **

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robs K. (The Lost Samurai)	20th August 2010 at 19:19
Good luck to You!! Enjoy Mongolia!!!! Roberta of The Lost Samurai

Bayan Olgii, Mongolia

Recieved by SMS at 18th August 2010 at 13:12

27 hours 1 minute 22 seconds. Stop and imagine that. Really picture it. Then imagine a half hectare border compound. Add below freezing temperatures. Bingo. Eventual victory was sweet indeed r

Republic of Altai, Russian Federation

Recieved by SMS at 16th August 2010 at 11:57

Having been slightly waylaid by the Lonely Planet book of lies about russia we are now heading for our final border, which we hope to reach tomorrow morning. Officials here speak no english, we speak no russian. Hilarity ensues. Yesterday we unwittingly broke 4 traffic laws at once. Fortunately exasperation got the better of the police. Siberia is, bizarrely, quite cold. Scarlet Harlot is taking the Altai mountains like a champ. J.

Barnaul, Russian Federation

Recieved by SMS at 15th August 2010 at 10:12

after visa restrictions forced a madcap midnight dash to the border, we spent an eventful few hours convincing bureaucrats my passport was real. we are nevertheless back in mother russia, and Siberia no less. The mountains beckon.. R

The Death of Empires

Posted by Rory at 12th August 2010 at 06:53

So, here we are in Almaty, the main city of GLORIOUS NATION KAZAKHSTAN and also the city where the USSR officially ceased to be, pausing for a day to gather our strength and rummage for supplies before the final, gruelling leg of the trip - across eastern Kaz, up into the Altai Republic in Siberia, and then down the Mongolian steppe to U-B for a bit of warm beer and and some top-shelf yurting.

Distance enthusiasts will be interested to know that Almaty is but a handful over 5000 miles from james' front drive in Kenilworth, Warwickshire, making it roughly the halfway point on the journey. Others will probably not care.

Both James and I are not feeling tippity-top, the Uzbek and Kazakh food challenging our stomachs as much as their roads challenge the scarlet harlot. However, we feel this is a time for reflection- on the eternal border bureaucracy, the appalling driving talents of the locals, the hunger, the physical punishment, the indescribable heat, the extraordinary hospitality, the mind-bending rudeness, the Kazakh steppes, the Karakalpakstan desert, the parched Caucasus, the snow-capped mountain passes, the car problems, the national fuel shortages, the illegal midnight petrol purchases, the camels, and finally the daunting feeling that we are only halfway.

This is pretty much the best thing ever.

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Sally S.

12th August 2010 at 11:54

Distance enthusiasts say well done!! Good to see you taking a day to prepare for the next half. Succint and brilliant summary - you and James should consider a career in communications! Much amused by ancient Harry Potter folk song - quick thinking and excellent reportage! Best of all your last line- two thumbs up all round. Shall be keeping fingers crossed that the scarlet harlot comes up trumps and doesnt fall into potholes the size of cars or has an unfortunate altercation with a camel - keep on trucking - any Travis being sung?! Love to both - M & S xxx PS. R - House now bought and all well - a comfortable bed and shower await! xx PPS - In packing found the words to "We are lost in the car" written in your own fair hands! Tiff here - Mother's essay covers most bases, so all I'll say is your blog is being followed by a small army of friends and family here, so keep up the basic levels of hygiene as much as poss, avoid suspicious looking goulash and ensure you keep your swanny whistles hydrated. Big love, xx

Jim S. (Team Rooster)	6th September 2010 at 22:38
Hey James and Rory, Good to hear you made it (Jim from Team Rooster). Got some pics for you. Hit me up and facebook (James Slizewski - Not too many of us out there). Congrats! -Jim

Uchastok Papanina, Kazakhstan

Recieved by SMS at 11th August 2010 at 11:10

Customs yesterday made easier when guard spotted swanny whistle. Told him it was traditional english folk instrument. He asked me to play a traditional english song. I played the Harry Potter theme, told him it was hundreds of years old. Great success. Currently skimming Kyrgyz on road to Almaty. Hopefully there tonight. J.

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Jenny R.	11th August 2010 at 18:22
Hilarious! Dad knew those swanny whistles would come in handy. Mum R xx

Karagandy, Kazakhstan

Recieved by SMS at 10th August 2010 at 11:53

Just entered Kaz, last signal til russia. Still with Team Rooster, meeting up with our austrian chums again in Almaty. Heading Shymkent tonight. Have packed R full of immodium, hoping he doesnt explode. Wish us luck... J.

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